he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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