there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
this will be a night to untag.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
