the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
