btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I want to be your penis for a week.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
