I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
