If i come over, it means nothing
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
