Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
