i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
