Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
operation have a gay friend backfired
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
