I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize