According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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