He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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