When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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