Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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