He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
