it wasn't lemon gatorade
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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