Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
