This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
