I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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