There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize