Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
