A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
