New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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