clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
