I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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