You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
