hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
