I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So squirting runs in the family.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize