You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
