He had one of those small greek statue penises
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
