pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
