never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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