i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
