Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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