My liver just broke up with me...
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
