Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize