brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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