I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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