it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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