Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
