just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
