good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
