I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
