i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
