I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
