WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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