puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
