i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
