I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
