i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize