I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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