so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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