i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
