a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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