pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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