They should really pass out barf bags in church
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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