So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
