I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
