Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
