can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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