Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
