I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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