don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
