she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
