we're blogging at a bar
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
