So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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