I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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