new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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