he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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