There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
