dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
