i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize