New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
