I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
