Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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