Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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