So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
