Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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