honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
