i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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