I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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