I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
