Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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