so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
