I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
