hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
