Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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