I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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