Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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