Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
