He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
