There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
