I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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