his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Enjoy the penises
Randomize