What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize