My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You're like the curious george of whores
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
