Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
