I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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